
Perfectionism in a nutshell
Füzes Nóra | pszichológus, junior tanácsadó
Füzes Nóra | pszichológus, junior tanácsadó
Just a little more…
About perfectionism in a nutshell
Perfectionism, or striving for perfection, is one of the most researched topics in psychology. It’s already a trivial thought, but after the digital revolution brought with it the possibility of faster and less effortful perfection – e.g. Photoshop, OpenAI, it’s no wonder that “perfection” is becoming increasingly accessible, createable and an internal need. Acknowledged or hidden, a significant percentage of our society chases, expects and triggers outstanding results, whether it is performance at work, beauty or any other area of life.
In relation to perfectionism, two large camps can typically be observed. One camp is clearly of the position that perfectionism drives people to excesses and leads to the deterioration of mental health, while not only the individual who strives for perfection, but also the environment suffers.
According to those belonging to the other camp, perfectionism is one of the most important keys to success and is essential for developing talent and achieving above-average results. It can be observed that “perfectionism believers” have a misinterpreted concept of happiness, according to which achievement is the key to happiness, acceptance and a successful life. There is no doubt that it has certain positive returns (real recognition, real achievements) that can sometimes be envied, but all at a price we already want for ourselves.
We typically approach the topic in such a dichotomous way, even though the picture is much more nuanced. As research on perfectionism flourishes, researchers are becoming increasingly aware of the complexity of this complex and diverse topic. More and more research supports that
it is not in itself the pursuit of outstanding performance and quality work that is harmful, but rather its neurotic degree.
Then the individual, terrified of the possibility and consequences of making a mistake, repeatedly forces himself to exert excessive effort, while experiencing significant distress (harmful stress). Some researchers believe that genetic predispositions are behind this, while others believe that incorrect coping strategies are discovered, but one thing is certain. It goes without saying that excessive stress significantly impairs physical, mental and relational well-being, which in the long term lead to physical illnesses, mental disorders and negative changes in human relationships.
Perfectionist people are characterized by an increased concern about mistakes, since they interpret mistakes as a failure affecting their whole person, as well as unbending expectations of themselves and their environment. Looking back on previous years, one can usually discover critical parental attitudes, directly or indirectly suggested high parental expectations, as well as the instability or complete lack of belief in one’s own competence. Have you ever wondered how you know what is expected of you? Are these internal or external expectations? Are you filtering all of these from direct or indirect messages?
It is possible that you have already met a person – perhaps just this morning looking in the mirror – who tries to reach his goal compulsively, without rest or grace, while setting unbending expectations for his environment and himself. It is easy to feel uncomfortable in the company of a person with this attitude. We may feel tempted to leave it there or to do something important ourselves, since the pressure under which he lives can be transferred to us in seconds. It may be important for us to see that
the perfectionist person experiences tremendous anxiety.
You constantly strive to create perfection, while you can easily neglect the areas of life that can give you real satisfaction. If you don’t fall into this category, it can be hard to imagine the constant pressure that a perfectionist goes through their daily lives while
repeatedly struggles with the inner thought that “No matter what I do, I will never be good enough…”
Is there a way out?
Yes, but the task is not easy. The bad news is that if you want to change, you can’t spare real, revealing self-knowledge. If you have already discovered the perfectionist in you, recognized its destructive effect, and decided that you want to be a more accepting partner for yourself and your environment, then there is no other way, the direction is self-knowledge. As with all personality difficulties, behind the pursuit of perfection can be found inhibiting schemes and beliefs, painful experiences and deep-seated fears. Dealing with and overriding them can involve a lot of discomfort that you might want to avoid (who doesn’t?), but in the end you can stand there as a real healthy adult with real confidence, inner security, and more accepting of yourself and your environment.
Isn’t it worth it?…
Literature used:
Dobos, B., & Piko, B. (2018).